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Unrequited Love

Kim has struggled in her relationships with men for much of her life. She called me right after learning that her latest love had gotten married to someone else. Kim was totally strung out on the guy and kept going on and on about what he said and did and what all that supposedly meant. Part of Kimís pattern is to talk things to death. She said that it helped her to talk things out. Sheís talked about it for so long now, but it hasnít resolved anything.

I asked Kim to picture her lost love and imagine him sitting here in the room with us. I went on to say "ÖReally feel his presence Öimagine looking into his eyes and notice all the feelings, emotions, physical and energetic sensations that you experience in response to him in your body". I then let her breathe into all those feelings and sensations for a while.

I checked in with Kim after ten minutes and asked her what she was experiencing. Kim initially said that nothing much was happening. But then she told me that she was experiencing an unsettling feeling in her abdomen, heartburn and pain in her back and neck. Her physical discomforts were also accompanied by feelings of sadness and anger.

I had Kim continue to breathe into the feelings and sensations for another ten minutes. And then I asked her how the feelings were changing. Kim said that her feelings were going back and forth. She said that she felt upset at times and then at other moments she began to experience a sense of confidence in herself.

I then said "ÖYouíve been strung out on that guy for so long now ÖHow does that energy of being strung out feel in your body? Kim said the energy felt like she had been stuck in limbo for a long time and that there was a thickness to the energy.

I had Kim breathe into the thick energy of being stuck in limbo for some time. Kim told me after some time that she could feel a sense of chaos as pieces of stagnant energy began to break up and dissolve.

Patterns of unreciprocated love have an insidious way of reinforcing themselves throughout a personís life as they create more and more pain. Many people develop patterns of falling in love with people who, for whatever reason, are not able to reciprocate. They can get stuck on a person for months or even years. They may finally give up on their lost love at some point, but they eventually meet someone else and they often find themselves locked into the same drama all over again.

People who are stuck in patterns of unrequited love tend to experience the same kinds of thoughts and feelings. And they want to talk about their problem Öto anyone that they can get to listen to them. But other people seem to have a need to put their own spin on whatís happening. Other peopleís input will often generate even more confusion and feelings of anxiety and that can make them feel really crazy.

Sometimes we need to talk things out to resolve our feelings. The problem here is that many people who get stuck in these kinds of patterns want to keep on talking about it. And you hear the same sad story over and over again. Talking it out may provide a momentary sense of relief, but there is also a danger here in that it can reinforce the same kinds of painful feelings and keep a person stuck in unfulfilling relationships.

Hurt, longing and other feelings of unreciprocated love tend to get stuck in our body-mind. And then our whole reality revolves around the drama of unrequited love. Deep tissue massage will help you to free up more of these stagnant energies and emotions that are stuck in the musculature and other parts of your body so that you can begin to digest them.

Getting strung out on another person pulls us completely out of our center. Itís critically important for us to draw our awareness back to our feelings and the physical sensations that we experience within our bodies.

Many of us will find ourselves in a situation at some point in our lives where the person that we desire is choosing not to be with us for one reason or another. We need to stop and ask ourselves "ÖWhat are the deepest feelings behind all this drama? How does this feel emotionally? How does the realization that I may never get to be with this person feel? Where are all these feelings situated in my body? And what kinds of sensations is this creating within my physical body?"

The hurt, pain and confusion can feel horrible. But the feelings of hurt and loss need to be digested so that you can free yourself from the pattern of unrequited love. Be as present as you possibly can by breathing softly and deeply as you allow yourself to fully experience all the feelings and sensations. Breathe into the hurt, longing and the feelings of emptiness and desperation. The feelings will probably continue to surface for some time. Continue to breathe into the feelings as they arise. Go out for long walks if the pain gets too intense. Long walks will diffuse the pain and help to ground you. This process takes time, but it will initiate a powerful transformation that will help you to heal the pattern of falling for people who are unavailable.

Our subconscious minds become habituated to failing at love. And we become imbued with the energies of loss and rejection. Iíve worked with many people over the years who were stuck in patterns of unrequited love. Lost loves and the backlog of hurtful emotion are digested. Your whole emotional and energetic makeup changes so that you feel more of a sense of wholeness within yourself. You come to a place where you are no longer desperate to make a relationship work. These changes will make you more attractive to the kinds of individuals that you desire to attract into your life.

People who are suffering as a result of an unrequited love often find it difficult to be objective. They donít seem to get the fact that there are other people out there. They tend to become isolated in their suffering.

You may not find another person that you feel really connected to and then again maybe you will. But at least be open. Put yourself out there. Some of the same kinds of issues will resurface in one form or another. Transformation is a gradual process. Remember to breathe into any feelings that arise and continue with the body work and healing sessions. You will gradually find that you are able to attract more of the love that you need and desire. The process is not necessarily easy, but itís an essential part of becoming a whole person.

©Copyright 2008 Ben Oofana. All Rights Reserved.  This content may be copied in full, with copyright, contact, creation and information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format.

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